The only reason you didn’t die today..

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​I give enough fucks about my kids and myself to not go to jail.

I still want to live my life even on the days it seems so dark and hopeless. You can look at me and say “I am done with you, I can’t do it.”

Why? I love you, i have loved you since the day I first laid eyes on you, you have children that love you.

You say “ I will just die.”

Die then. Give it up. Believe that I haven’t ever loved you. 

If I was just a little more insane a little more crazy, if I didn’t have anyone to think of except me, I would have killed you today, then killed myself.
I am done giving you the best of me, I am done letting you fuck my heart and my soul. I am done letting you play me. I am so done of being broken again and again. I am tired of believing in you.
I hope and pray that one day you’ll change. I hope and pray that one day all those promises you made you can keep. 
I had hoped I would be the one to spend your life with you, but I guess it wasn’t time or maybe it will never be.
Maybe when you do get there in life, whoever you choose, will be the luckiest woman alive.
I hope that you never forget the pain you’ve caused me and the women before me.
I hope that what you have done comes back to haunt you, in your happiest moments I hope you my pain creeps into your light and reminds you how much it hurts.
Go to hell you son of the devil, go back to the father that birthed your soul. You’re the definition of a demon in disguise.
My light is gone, my hope and faith so hopelessly lost. I have you to thank.
Maybe with prayer, love, and determination, maybe my faith in humanity will be restored, maybe I’ll believe in love again.
Fuck love, fuck the fairy tails, fuck the promises, 
Fuck the drugs that have turned the best of people into the vilest of men.
Fuck them for the homes and lives they have destroyed.

Most of all Fuck you for giving up. 
You almost made me give up.
You nearly broke me. 
I refuse to let you have the satisfaction of destroying another woman’s soul.

9/7/2016

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