How did we end up here? Again? 

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​This isn’t the first time I haven’t heard from you for days at a time. I have no clue where you are but I do at the same time. I wonder if you are ok I wonder if you’re wondering about me. I wonder if you realize that I am about to loose my mind. You’re my whole world , but yet you don’t seem to know that. I think you do sometimes. I think that you do see you’re my life, and that’s to much for you to know. Maybe we were meant for each other or maybe we are poisonous together. I have never felt anything as strong as the emotions and feelings for you and with you in my life. I always felt so dead inside. With you even when you hurt me it was ok because at least I could feel it I had a reaction. When you loved me it was like nothing in the world could touch me, you built me up to tear me down .. everyday it’s some sick kind of game we play. Your love your touch your voice makes me crave you like a drug. I hate you for loving me then leaving me. How can you be so cruel? Who plays with people’s souls like that. I hate myself for still loving you, I need you but I don’t. I don’t know how to feel. I want to scream! I want to cry but no I can’t I can’t be that weak.. or is it weak that I can’t cry? 

What is right and what is wrong when it comes to us? Is there even an us anymore? I don’t know why we’re here or where we will go or be. 

Today I feel lost, today I feel numb, today I feel empty, today I managed to get some words out of my soul, today I am trying, today I am all over the place, today I want to give up, today I want to hurt myself to make the hurt go away, today I want to tell you that you’re evil, today I want to kiss you and touch your beautiful face, today I want to just be with you, today I want to go back and never meet you, today I am all over the place, 
Today I am back where I was but so far away from where I stared.

Who am I today? 

Who will I become ?
I just wanted to be loved I just wanted to love you I just wanted flower crowns and walks in the woods, love and laughter kisses and whispers of undying love believing in dreams and of holding hands when we were old and gray to watch our children grow up and be human . I just want to be yours forever. I want to be your world like you are mine.. 

Let me love you.
9/5/2016

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